Hello Flawkward readers,
This edition of the Weekly Awkward will be short and sweet – because I think the picture does most of the talking, doesn’t it?
This is me. Obviously.
It was my sister’s wedding. I was the maid of honour. Everything, up until the point this demonic photograph was taken, had actually gone very well (which was shocking, considering I had an actual role to play in an actually important event – a situation which would usually render me shaking, stammering, and potentially upchucking into my own hands). I hadn’t fallen over going up the aisle. I hadn’t cried. My hair had stayed in place (sort of).
Everything was cool.
But then came the throwing of the bouquet.
My sister – the bride – positioned herself, just as her lovely wedding photographer came bouncing over to take the shot. We (all the ladies in the bridal party) clamoured together.
And then it happened. A millisecond before the photographer clicked the shutter button, he yelled a command so… well, commandingly, I felt compelled to oblige.
‘PULL A FACE!’
I didn’t hesitate. I contorted my face into the most hideous form I could imagine on short notice.
Nobody else did.
The photo was taken. Blissfully unaware that nobody else had ‘[PULLED] A FACE!’, I trotted back into the wedding hall to eat pudding, and promptly forgot all about it.
Until the wedding photographer sent the images to my sister. And put the picture in the OFFICIAL wedding video, because he thought it was so funny, which everybody on his official Facebook page along with all the people at my sister’s wedding watched.
My fate was sealed. I was doomed to be remembered as the half-orc, half-woman creature-maid of honour forever.
Oh, and by the way – I didn’t even catch the bouquet.
I wasn’t even close. Another girl who didn’t have the heart rate of a 95 year-old woman (me) leapt for the blooms and caught them seamlessly in her hands, mid air, like a graceful gazelle in slow-mo. I, but a mere gremlin with bangs, simply could not compete.
Have a lovely week, all.
P.S. If you feel like you’ve read a wedding story somewhere on here before, you would be right. In my last Weekly Awkward, I wrote about the time I nearly fainted and vomited at my boyfriend’s cousin’s Serbian ceremony. I have been to five weddings in my life, and have humiliated myself at nearly 50% of them. DO NOT INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING. Just take a cardboard cutout of me instead. Or Skype me as you’re going up the aisle. Trust me. It’s the best solution for all of us.
P.P.S. When I described my sister’s wedding photographer as ‘lovely’, I totally meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic. Just wanted to clarify that, given the context of this post. He really was a very nice man. That is all.